why does it take
pain and heartache
before I can write
why does it take
elation and ecstasy
before I can write
why does it take
tears and sobbing
before I can write
why does it take
frustration and anxiety
before I can write
why does it take
uncertainty and chaos
before I can write
why does it take
joy and exuberance
before I can write
why does it take
sorrow and death
before I can write
why does it take
loving and soaring
before I can write
why does it take
excitement and happiness
before I can write
Why does it take
emotion
before I can write?
Because I write what I am.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The Writing Process--Giving Myself
I have always written. Some of you would argue that it's not possible that I have literally always written, and I would have to concede that point. But I have always been read to, which is the basis of writing. It was my introduction to language. My mom started teaching me to read before kindergarten which instilled a love of reading that I have carried with me my entire life. It was the language of The Pokey Little Puppy and countless Dr. Seuss books, then the Chronicles of Narnia series and Little House on the Prairie that increased my vocabulary and introduced me to the syntax of the English language. It's why today I can still use a word correctly in writing, give an approximate definition, and not be able to pronounce it to save my life.
So reading led to writing. I can remember being in elementary school and writing a love story about Patrick Swayze and Melanie Griffith (my favorite actor and actress of the time largely because of "Dirty Dancing" and actually I can't remember why she was my favorite). I learned I could write, and I learned to write for an audience, because when you write there is always an audience. In school it was my teachers--so I wrote what my teachers wanted me to write.
In school the writing process starts with a mind map, then moves into a rough draft which is edited and then rewritten into a final draft. That's how I teach the writing process, because it is a good foundation for students who are learning to write, but it's never been how I have written. In high school and college when an outline was required, I usually wrote the paper first and then went back and created the outline.
In 7th grade I had an amazing, young, pretty, English teacher named Mrs. Hartford. I don't know how long she had been teaching, but there are some teachers that just stand out in your mind forever. Mrs. Hartford is one of them. I wrote her a paper--a good paper--about something I have long since forgotten. I kept the paper though and I am sure it is in one of my files somewhere. I kept this particular paper because she gave me a "B". I couldn't believe it! A "B." I hadn't gotten less than an "A" on anything in years. I was devastated. I went to see her after class to find out why I had achieved less than perfect. She told me that if anyone else had written that paper they would have received an "A," but from me she expected more. She knew I could give more. She also told me to keep everything I wrote (which I have done, much to the chagrin of my family). I never got a "B" from her again. I never wrote her another "B" worthy paper. I gave everything into my writing.
I was a short story, creative essay writer until my sophomore year of high school. I was taking Honors English and felt like I was drowning. How many times had I read the first chapter of A Tale of Two Cities, and I still had no idea what was happening? My mom had to check-out the black and white movie from the library for me so I could even understand the story line. And then we had to write a poem. I couldn't do it. I went in at lunch to explain that it just was not possible for me to write a poem. I had read poetry. I had tried to write it. It was impossible. Ms. Patterson told me to sit down and just start writing. Just a descriptive paragraph with no rhyming. Break the lines up where it seems like it makes sense. My first poem was written. I was addicted.
From Mrs. Hartford I learned that my first audience when writing had to be myself. I had to like what I had written. If it didn't move me, it probably wasn't good. If I couldn't reread it and have some feeling evoked, it wasn't worth having someone else read. I wish I could say my writing has been like that since--evoking moving sentiments in my readers, but I know that isn't the truth. There were papers I wrote that were scribbled out in an hour or so to be turned in the next day. There were professors that didn't care about the craft of writing and just wanted boring fact after boring fact with documentation breaking up the flow of creativity. I gave them what they wanted, but it didn't fulfill my intense desire to write.
More often than not when I sit down to write nowadays a poem is what comes out, thanks to Ms. Patterson, sometimes all at once, sometimes a few lines at a time. Sometimes I have to work for just the right line or search for just the right word. There are times poems sit partially written for months, some for years, and some are never completed. Sometimes the poem is written in my head and it gone by the time I get paper and pen ready. Poems have to be written on paper. I have never sat in front of a computer and created one. Probably because the computer is too much like work and not enough like freedom. Writing poetry requires freedom.
No matter what I write the result always ends up being something that I have felt. Something that I have created. Something that I have given.
So reading led to writing. I can remember being in elementary school and writing a love story about Patrick Swayze and Melanie Griffith (my favorite actor and actress of the time largely because of "Dirty Dancing" and actually I can't remember why she was my favorite). I learned I could write, and I learned to write for an audience, because when you write there is always an audience. In school it was my teachers--so I wrote what my teachers wanted me to write.
In school the writing process starts with a mind map, then moves into a rough draft which is edited and then rewritten into a final draft. That's how I teach the writing process, because it is a good foundation for students who are learning to write, but it's never been how I have written. In high school and college when an outline was required, I usually wrote the paper first and then went back and created the outline.
In 7th grade I had an amazing, young, pretty, English teacher named Mrs. Hartford. I don't know how long she had been teaching, but there are some teachers that just stand out in your mind forever. Mrs. Hartford is one of them. I wrote her a paper--a good paper--about something I have long since forgotten. I kept the paper though and I am sure it is in one of my files somewhere. I kept this particular paper because she gave me a "B". I couldn't believe it! A "B." I hadn't gotten less than an "A" on anything in years. I was devastated. I went to see her after class to find out why I had achieved less than perfect. She told me that if anyone else had written that paper they would have received an "A," but from me she expected more. She knew I could give more. She also told me to keep everything I wrote (which I have done, much to the chagrin of my family). I never got a "B" from her again. I never wrote her another "B" worthy paper. I gave everything into my writing.
I was a short story, creative essay writer until my sophomore year of high school. I was taking Honors English and felt like I was drowning. How many times had I read the first chapter of A Tale of Two Cities, and I still had no idea what was happening? My mom had to check-out the black and white movie from the library for me so I could even understand the story line. And then we had to write a poem. I couldn't do it. I went in at lunch to explain that it just was not possible for me to write a poem. I had read poetry. I had tried to write it. It was impossible. Ms. Patterson told me to sit down and just start writing. Just a descriptive paragraph with no rhyming. Break the lines up where it seems like it makes sense. My first poem was written. I was addicted.
From Mrs. Hartford I learned that my first audience when writing had to be myself. I had to like what I had written. If it didn't move me, it probably wasn't good. If I couldn't reread it and have some feeling evoked, it wasn't worth having someone else read. I wish I could say my writing has been like that since--evoking moving sentiments in my readers, but I know that isn't the truth. There were papers I wrote that were scribbled out in an hour or so to be turned in the next day. There were professors that didn't care about the craft of writing and just wanted boring fact after boring fact with documentation breaking up the flow of creativity. I gave them what they wanted, but it didn't fulfill my intense desire to write.
More often than not when I sit down to write nowadays a poem is what comes out, thanks to Ms. Patterson, sometimes all at once, sometimes a few lines at a time. Sometimes I have to work for just the right line or search for just the right word. There are times poems sit partially written for months, some for years, and some are never completed. Sometimes the poem is written in my head and it gone by the time I get paper and pen ready. Poems have to be written on paper. I have never sat in front of a computer and created one. Probably because the computer is too much like work and not enough like freedom. Writing poetry requires freedom.
No matter what I write the result always ends up being something that I have felt. Something that I have created. Something that I have given.
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